Reminiscence
by YoSafBridge
Summary: Kaylee reminisces on better times. Post-Serenity, pure angst, although if you squint you can discern a hint of fluff underneath it all.


Reminiscence

Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly nor its characters…I wish I did, I'd give Fox a piece of my mind…alas I can only petition and write nasty e-mails…plus fanfictions, like this 'un…

Kaylee scanned the crowd at Persephone hoping to catch a glimpse of brown in the haze of colour. Let the Cap'n be early, just this once! Let everything go without a hitch!

No such luck. Kaylee's hopeful face wilted in despair. She had so wished to get out of here early; just being here was giving her goosebumps. Although it was a sunny day, she felt cold. All she wanted was to get back out to the skies, back to the total blackness were she could hide away from the memories.

It was odd how nothing had changed in such long a time. Here she was, sitting in the bright sunshine outside Serenity. It was a day oddly reminiscent of another day, a long time ago. This day was so much like that other that she half expected the preacher to come walking out right now bearing his secret box of strawberries. Kaylee smiled reminiscently at the thought of those strawberries… they'd been so good.

That smile slid right off Kaylee's face as quickly as it had appeared, the Shepherd was gone now and there was no use workin' herself up thinking about him. While the world outside stayed unmoving, never-changing, her Serenity had seen many a change.

She glanced down at the golden wedding band on her finger, not all the changes had been bad.. she'd been sitting in this very same spot when she had first glimpsed her husband. She'd never given serious thought about marriage before he'd taken refuge on her ship. Besides, if she ever had thought about it she never would have expected that tightly wound, yet shuai doctor would be the man for her. The world was a strange place sometimes...

This place had also brought with it, River, the most extraordinary child she'd ever met. River was probably up in the cockpit right about now playin' with Bucky and Bob; she'd loved those dinosaur's from the moment she set eyes on them. It had surprised her brother how much his genius sister took to playing with plastic dolls.

Zoë had thought that Wash woulda wanted River to take the little toys, she figured he would've wanted someone who'd of loved them and gotten as much joy out of 'em as he had.

Kaylee felt her eyes burning and quickly blinked away the tears. She worried a lot about Zoë, she had changed the most drastically since Miranda. She never failed Mal, her mind on the job and little else...almost as though she was a robot, not talking, barely eating. Everyone saw that her light was gone, the brightness that had once filled her eyes whenever she saw her husband had disappeared entirely, to be replaced by sorrow that seemed never to go away.

The memory of Wash still haunted them all. It had been months since that day and still some nights she would wake up screaming, Simon's arms wrapped around her telling her it was over. It would never be over. She had never been good with death and she could still see him pinned there, his blue eye's staring accusingly at them all when they'd returned to remove the body. He was skewered, still in his chair, little plastic dinosaur's drenched in scarlet blood. His once joy filled eyes now empty and lifeless.

But even worse was the sight of Zoë when she went back to see the body. Kaylee'd never, in her five years of knowing Zoë, seen her cry. But Zoë, the warrior women, the never flinching Zoë had broken down at the sight of her husband. That, more than the sight of Wash, Kaylee could never be prepared for. Nothing that had happened in the last few months she could have been prepared for.

Ever since Miranda She had tried to help, she had tried to be her normal optimistic self, she had tried to fix it … 'cause that's what she was good at wasn't it… fixin' things?

After awhile, she had begun to realise, this was to be one of those things her father always told her about, the kind that couldn't be fixed. Maybe in time, maybe they could find happiness again...that concern was to be left for another day though, now her biggest concern was leaving this memory filled piece of fei-oo that she once believed was a perfectly nice planet. Kaylee stood, craning to see the Cap'n drawn, despondent face. Admitting defeat and tiring the longer she stood, Kaylee collapsed back down, and once more fought to hold back bitter tears. She had to be strong, for everyone else...who else would fix things if she didn't? She choked back the tears and allowed herself to become lost in her thoughts once more.

Mal had been even more sullen then usual since Miranda, the Shepherd's death seemed to effect him as much as Serenity had, it was as though he'd lost his faith a second time.

In some way… some sick, twisted way Kaylee knew he blamed himself for what had happened and though she knew it wasn't true sometimes she felt like blaming him to. It was just…just good to have someone to blame things on even when you knew it wasn't true.  
'Cause some horrible things just don't feel right 'less you find something' to blame.

Everyone felt the absence of Wash's ice breaking humour and the Preachers wisdom. Even Jayne… though he wouldn't admit it. He just dealt with it all the only way he knew how; crude jokes, many and often. She knew why he acted the way he did, he was trying to get a rise out of the Cap'n, out of Zoe. But they just ignored him...it was like nothing affected them anymore.

She had often felt as though nothing' could ever be the happy again… but always when she had those horrible thoughts she would see somthin' to change her mind. Like Mal comin' out of 'Nara's shuttle lookin' happier then she'd ever see him before. It gave her hope, it cheered her up,… which was good cause Kaylee without cheerfulness was like Jayne without Vera, And while some changes were horrible, not all changes had been bad.

Kaylee felt a hand on her shoulder, smiling, she looked up to see Simon standing next to her, he wrapped his arm around her swollen belly and smiled at her. She returned the favour..."He wanted some fresh air, he's been kicking like crazy lately...". She allowed her husband to help her out of her chair and into the ship.  
"Kid wants out, wants to see the world...he's like you already and we haven't even seen him yet"  
"Ah, don't worry Simon, he'll be the spitting image of you, no doubt 'bout that"

. Kaylee followed her husband into Serenity. Thinking, that maybe…just maybe things might turn out okay after all. Give 'em time and they might become downright Shiny.

…review's are nice, I like em and they make me feel happy inside! 


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